I'll bet a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween

So the long days of summer are officially over. Samhain ("sow" "en", not "sam" "han") has arrived bringing with it the darkened days of winter. I don't normally dress up or get up to trouble on this night like most people do. Tonight is a magical night, one of the 4 most magical nights of the year. Its an 'in between' night when the dead walk among us & the veils between the past, present & future can be briefly lifted.

Traditionally, Halloween was one of the four fire festivals celebrated by the Paleopagans of Ireland & the UK, but when the church couldn't get them to stop celebrating their pagan day it did what it had done often enough before. It sprinkled a little holy water & gave it a new name. Not a new idea to the Roman Catholic church. It had done it to Valentine's Day, formerly Lupercalia, Easter which was Eostre & of course Christmas, old time Yule. The church not only co-opted sacred dates, it also did it to sacred places. Most of the great cathedrals of Europe were build on top of earlier Paleopagan shrines & sacred groves. By co-opting the day Pope Gregory hoped to quash the pagan celebration, He moved All saints Day from April to Nov 1st. But that didn't nor hasn't stopped anyone from celebrating the day of the dead.


Growing up, the night before Halloween was always Bonfire Night. One of my favorite nights of the whole year. Large communal bonfires were lit & the whole town danced, sang & celebrated into the night. Only much latter did I learn that I was participating in a very old pagan celebration. The Paleopagans of Ireland & the UK would light large fires on the night before Samhain to call the spirits of their loved ones home & to ward off any evil spirit that might try to cross over during this in between time. Here I was a Roman Catholic & a Pagan.

Today Halloween is more of a pop culture celebration then a sacred spiritual one. People dress up as their favorite movie star or Halloween icon. They carve faces out of large squash & send their children out in the middle of the night to go house to house begging for food & somehow manage to keep their dignity.

I'll admit, I partake in some of the poppiness. I watch The Great Pumpkin every year, you have to, as much as the communal bonfires were part of the Paleopagans ritual life, Charlie Brown is a part of mine. I look forward to watching Linus full of all his innocence & hope all year long. It gets me through, until the Charlie Brown Christmas.

Its all good fun. But if by chance when your out late tonight & you see some very strange people, dressed in kick ass costumes & having way too much fun, don't be alarmed. Tonight is only one of four nights a year that they get to come out and play. By morning they'll be gone & all will be right with the world again.

Night out with the Girls

By the end of the night we had Carrie a little drunker than I think she's use to but bless her she's a tropper. I don't think we scared her too badly.

Rachel was the smart one. She stayed in her P.J's & kicked us out.

I have no idea what Ashley is doing here. I don't even really recall taking the photo. I'm sure it was funny at the time.

Yes, I actually posted a photo of myself. Not a very good one, but its the only one I didn't delete.

I don't know where Michelle got this hat but she looks cute in it anyway

Cherish Them

I woke up this morning & took a walk. I was smiling. It was snowing. All was well with the world. Then I got some news. A colleague of mine was on vacation in India & yesterday she got a call to come home. Her parents were in a car accident. Her mother died instantly & her father is in a coma.
That is how fast everything can change. You blink & life is never the same again.
We always think there will be time with the ones who matter to us. We don't kiss them just because or tell them we love them without a reason. We get embarrassed by the gesture or disarmed by the risk. But time is not something we can manage & there is never enough of it.
Before my dad died, I convinced myself there would be more time. There wasn't. And I'll live with that regret for the rest of my life.
Cherish the ones you love while you have them because once those moments are gone they are gone forever. Hug someone today, don't wait until tomorrow, it may not be there.

"Parting is all we know of Heaven and all we need of Hell"

-Emily Dickinson

IT'S SNOWING!!!!

I woke up this morning pulled open my curtains & was greeted by a white world. I got dressed before the sun was even fully awake & went for my first winter stroll. The streets were all but empty so I could just walk along & listen to the crunch under my Timberlines. It felt great. I was a little kid again, it almost felt as good as a snow day from school, even though I still had to go to work. I couldn't help but keep giggling to myself every few feet along the way. Jack Frost has arrived in Banff.

It's perfect snow too. The kind that packs tight in snowballs & clings to your eyelashes. I want to skip work, spend the day making snowmen & a campaign of snow angels. I want to go tobogganing & then curl up on the couch with a cozy blanket & a big mug of hot chocolate, with a splash of baileys, & watch a feel good movie while it continues to snow outside. This is the season I've missed. The season of down & flannel, mittens with string & good old fashion Canadian tukes.

I know that 5 or 6 months of this really is a bit much. and I may try to escape some place warm before its all over. In a month or so I'll be complaining about the -20c & my runny nose. I'll probably hate the sight of snowplows & never want to see another ski jacket as long as I live. I'll spend my nights dreaming of my hammock on the beach & the perfect pina colada. But I'm not thinking about that today. Today I'm thinking that this is absolutely perfect, absolutely beautiful & absolutely Canadian.

Ambition

Hic Sunt Dragones. Here are dragons.

Cartographers use to write this on their maps, on the parts of the globe that were still unexplored. It was meant to be a warning to anyone who dared to go farther, dared to venture into the unknown. Funny thing about warnings is that to some they are cause for hesitation, while for others they are a challenge to be overcome. As Joseph Conrad so eloquently wrote; " I had ambition not only to go farther than any man had ever been before, but as far as it was possible for a man to go." The true heart of an explorer.

Of course, now the world is all explored & we haven't found any mythical creatures hiding in the darkness. Sometimes I think maybe the cartographers knew we wouldn't. Maybe the dragons they were referring to were not found in the dark jungles of Africa or the deep interiors of Asia. Maybe what they were referring to is found in the heart of man.

When we struggle to make our way it's not dragons that halt our progress, make us doubt & twice think. Its ourselves. It's our fears & our inhibitions. Not just our fear of what we might find but also our fear of what we really already know. To find that we are capable & to know what we are capable of.

Our real fear is never that we will find dragons lurking in the night, but that we will find ourselves.

Have Hope

How do you help someone who demands that they are not hurting?

How do you heal a wound they hide, from even themselves?

You can't!

Thats the painful truth. You have to stand on the side lines & watch them slowly fall apart. You have to watch as the person you know & love becomes someone you cannot even recognize. You can worry about them, care for them, pray for them. But in the end its not your life to save. All you can do is wait. Wait & hope that the pain gets bad enough, that they fall far enough, that they get so far from hope that they are forced to ask for help.

My heart prays for all of you that may be falling & for all of you who must watch & wait.

Friends

I've been thinking a lot lately about the past & the people we leave there. Some of my favorite people on the planet are in my past. I haven't seen them in months, sometimes years. But they are still my favorite people & I wouldn't hesitate to pick up the phone or e-mail & reconnect. And I do.

Sometimes connections, however strong they may be at first, fade into forgotten. While others sustain or strengthen over distance & time. Why is that? What makes the difference? Is it the initial power of the connection or simply the level of effort & importance we instill in that relationship once the other is out of sight?

I like to think that when people meet its not "luck", it's because our life requires them at that moment. And if that connection maintains its not because we make it so but because the kinship was fated before we were even a dream.

I look back at my life so far & the relationships I've formed, even the not so good ones, & I can honestly say that I needed each & every one of them. I've walked away, or not, from each one a new person. Having laughed at a new joke, been hurt in a new way, or just seen myself through their eyes. In all this & more I am changed.
If I could thank every person I have ever meet, I would. But thats not possible, so I'll be kind to the ones around me now, treasure my friends til the end & hope that is enough.

Pay Back

This is for Sarah. Who I never should have allowed to take a photo of me.

This photo in no way makes up for the numerous embarrassing photos you have of me on your space. But knowing that this one is out there makes me feel a little better.

You know I love you & this photo is fab!

Banff

So, I'm in Banff. And I like it. But I don't love it. I thought I would love it but I don't. I don't know why I don't though. I should love it. It has everything I need. It's beautiful. It's relaxed. It's small, and I'm a small town girl. But I'm getting bored. Well, I'm not sure if I'm getting bored or if its just my wanderlust acting up again. I do this thing where I dream of a place & I believe I can be happy there. I get there.., excited, I explore.., very cool, I meet new people.., awesome but I can't stay. I can't make myself settle. The grass is always greener somewhere else. I wanted desperately to see winter, now I'm cold & I miss the beach. The warm evening breeze & the pina coladas. It's the freedom, it's an addiction. There is a certain kind of freedom found in the impermanence of life in general but that sense of independence is somehow intensified when I am moving. When I move to a new town, a new country. Suddenly, I'm learning new things, meeting new people, exploring new country side. Its exhilarating, it's like a drug. Not only am I learning about a new place but I have found that every new place, every new friend, every new horizon has taught me something about myself. With every new experience I am irrevocably changed & I love it. How do I give that up? I've tried to picture myself with a 9-5 in the city, a one bedroom & a dog. Reading the paper on Saturday in my slippers & having Sunday brunch with friends. And I just can't seem to make it fit. Not even in my imagination, which is boundless, can I make it feel right.

What if I were meant for something else? What if life didn't have to be a series of organized routines? What if I could stop thinking about what was socially acceptable? What if I lived as if this life were truly mine? What if I could be happy? What if I could have what I want without compromising who I am? What if........

I think it was Nietzshe that said we need to invite chaos into our souls. Well, I didn't invite chaos in, I think it was inborn. Now, I'm just trying to make peace with it. To be in the world but not of it. To find a balance between the demands of my chaotic soul & the needs of my practical mind. Its the Gemini in me I'm sure. The ying & yang of the twins, pulling me in opposite directions. Balance...thats the key.

Banff is good...for now. Until my mood shifts & a new horizon beggons.

To all you wanders reading this. Keep moving...because when we stop, thats when we die. Maybe just alittle at a time, but we die.