So Christmas is fast approaching & am I ready? Of course not!!! Every year is the same. I start planning in Nov & never get anything done until the week before. I don't even have all my Christmas cards written. Though, in my defense, I do have a lot of Christmas cards to write (48 to be precise). and I copt out a bit this year & sent e-cards to about another 20, mostly to avoid the hassle of tracking down addresses. So I don't feel too bad about the cards, I have about half of them sent, (pat on the back). I've got to edit that card list next year, really I do, it just keeps getting bigger. Pretty soon I'll be all year just writing cards. As for gifts, it'll be January before anyone at home gets my gifts because I don't even have them in the mail yet. And that's a shame because a few of them are kinda seasonal. So mom's not going to get to use her Santa plates until next year. Not to worry, she'll understand, where do you think I got my procrastinating ways.
arrive a few days before Christmas, so they can settle in under the tree & the kids can all take their turn shaking them, trying to guess what could be hidden inside. I don't stress about it. The people who know me know that this is how it is. 
I don't have an unlimited disposable income. I don't think I have any disposable income actually. But I do however, on occasion, like to pretend. I'll admit, sometimes pretending becomes buying. But usually its just pretending. Every once in a while I get the almost uncontrollable urge to just shop. The last time I got the urge was in Vancouver, Robson St, almost a year ago. Well, pretending didn't quite work that day, 2 hours & $1200 later, I felt purged. Unfortunately, I don't work the high seas anymore. I can't spend $$$ like I actually have it. I shouldn't have really done it then either, but I did.
screaming kids. No sore feet. 
What makes a person stop?
Do they just wake up one morning & think, 'this is far enough, I refuse to go any further'?
Is it a conscious choice?
Is there doubt?
My brother Michael died 2 years ago yesterday. Truthfully, he didn't 'die' he killed himself. I haven't talked about him in those years, not even to my family. I try not to even think about him. I think I might hate him. I don't want to, but I think I might. And I have no idea how to make that stop.
Sometimes I dream about him. We're driving in a car, I don't recognize the scenery but it's beautiful. I get out of the car to take a photo of a sea view & when I turn around he has driven off without me. He just drives off & leaves me stranded in this place I don't know.
Sometimes we're in an old house. There are dozens of people around, I stop to admire a painting on the wall & when I turn around he's gone. I catch him going down a spiral stair case. I try to follow him but I can't catch up. The stairs seem to descend forever, there's just no end to them. An old woman tells me not to bother. She tells me I'll never catch him where he's going. Whenever I have this dream I always wake up crying. I had it a few times before I could remember it well enough to get why I was crying. I get it now.
I never mention him to my family. They all rushed home for the funeral, had him buried on church ground, next to dad.
I've studied suicide. I'm more than familiar with all the psychological reasoning. I know all the theories of depression, chemical imbalances, psychotic breaks, & on & on & on. None of it matters. The truth is he quit the game half way through & left the rest of us holding the cards.
I've never been one to hold a grudge. I know better than some the freedom you can find in forgiveness. But sometimes when a grudge is all you have, its just all you have. And there's no resolution to be found if you ask me. You can't argue with the wind.
I am most possibly the dumbest smart person I know. I'm just absent minded. I forget simply tasks & fumble my way through most days. Ask me about the Gross National Product, International Immigration Laws or even the root of Pi and I'm on the ball. Really, I am. But in day to day functioning, I'm a mess.
without my daily soundtrack. Even my walk to the post office this morning felt like a task. 
A God gene? Could there be such a thing? A researcher in Maryland thinks 'yes'. Dr Dean Hamer, Ph.D., has discovered a gene called VMAT2 that comes in two forms. One of those forms may help us to experience transcendent occurrences, like feeling the presence of God. VMAT2 controls feel-good chemicals, like serotonin & dopamine. Dr. Hamer thinks that this same family of chemicals prime us for religious experiences. Dr. Hamer estimates that about 50% of people have the God gene.
I've been searching for God, spiritual connectedness, the Truth, the 'I don't know what really', for as long as 
I can remember. I don't know why I do & I have no I idea where or when my fascination with the Divine began. I only know that its always seemed to be there. Could it be possible that I am just genetically predisposed to search for God?
can keep you safer. Faith encourages social & cultural interactions that can help people form bonds. It also induces optimism, which is proven to help people live longer.
a strand of prayer beads, sitting quietly & reading the Quran, or hunkering down in Lotus, all seem to have the same benefits. If done mindfully. Its the purpose behind the action that seems to carry all the benefits. So if you think you can just haul your sorry ass to church once a week & live longer, you're shit outta luck. 
about meditation from my great-grandmother, who would, twice a day sit in her rocking chair & completely zone out on her rosary. (Maybe a coincidence, but she also lived to be 98 & was without a doubt sharper & stronger then I've ever been). Its actually proven that meditation makes people smarter. Areas of the brain responsible for decision making, planning & other high level activities don't 
seem to deteriorate with age in long term mediators. It can also give a person all the pick me ups of a mid-day nap. 40 minutes in Lotus is the equivalent of 4-5 cups of joe. No wonder Buddha is always smiling. 
Today is Mexico's National Day of the Artisan. A day to celebrate the social & cultural contributions of its artists & creative thinkers. I like the idea of having a day to appreciate the work & contributions that artists make in our lives. And they do, whether we realize it or
not. They often challenge the percieved 'status quo'. Or help to pass on history, traditions & cultural integrity to newer generations.
The names of the worlds great artists have become part of our vocabulary. You don't have to be an art history major to know who Michelangelo was or that we owe the Sistine chapel to his outrageous talent. 
Andy Warhol practically defined New York in the 70's & through into the 80's. His work helped to erase the distinction between fine art & popular culture. Actually, you can thank Andy for the entire concept of "pop-culture".
religious country like Mexico, she was a woman, a divorcee, a bi-sexual, a communist & an artist, changing the way women thought & were perceived. A lowly female, influencing the culture of an entire generation, and still influencing people today.
Yes it's so true. I broke down. I'm weak. 7 months without one cup of joe & now 5 cups in the last 2 days. I just needed it O.K!!! I know caffeine is the devil but it keeps me awake & stops me from harming others & I don't think that's such a bad thing really. I have come 
to the conclusion that coffee is just a necessary evil. I've made peace with my weakness. 3 cheers Juan Valdez!
This just in: The World Chess Federation has decided to introduce dope testing. Chess + Dope testing !!!Testing for what exactly, Gingo Bilobo? I don't think there is a steroid out there that enhances brain activity. I'm not a scientist, I've run no tests. I do however go to the gym. Therefore I do interact with these neck less buffoons. And as bad as I am at chess, I'd wagger I could take anyone of them. I could kick their ass, at chess, or checkers, or even snakes & ladders.
The WCF is hoping that the testing will help to raise the international standards of the 'sport' (a term I use loosely) & hopefully help to make chess an Olympic sport in the future.
I'm sorry, no offense to chess players. I know its an extremely difficult game. It takes a lot of mental agility to play chess... & win. I know, I have a nephew who's been beating me since he was seven. However, that said, if chess ever becomes an Olympic sport, I will boycott the Olympics. I mean really. Table tennis is embarrassing enough.
(Side note, the IOC is also looking to recognise tug of war, yes you heard me, TUG OF WAR. A game you can play with your dog & a chew toy. But at least that's physical).
The Olympics is not a forum for mental competition. It is a test of physical strength & endurance. Hence, ancient Greece, the gladiators, the Adonis. They weren't sitting around playing chess, at least not in the arena. Maybe at home in their spare time, on the porch with the neighbour.
Are they trying to make a mockery out of the entire Olympic spirit? Well, at least I'll still have the winter Olympics, minus curling of course.
Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas & splendid plans:
Forget for a moment the images on the evening news. Forget the infection rates of sub Saharan Africa. Which can at times seem so remote & far away. We talk so much about countries like Africa & India. The struggle seems to become a battle "over there", and we forget that this country, like every other on this planet is in this fight. Another Canadian is infected with HIV every 2 hours. There's a chance that someone you know is being infected while you read this.
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